At 52, I was dating a guy whom I really liked in many ways. He had a young child however and after several months I decided I didn't want to be raising children at my age. From dating each other exclusively, we agreed to be free to see others.

When he ultimately did just that, it cost me several pangs. The hurt was unexpected!

WHY IS THAT?? I'm the one who wanted to be free to see others and who still knows this is the right decision for me. How silly is that anyway?

I think it's that I'm alone again. It's one more time that either the guy himself is great but he is bound down with situations that are very tricky, or his situation is great, but he is emotionally unable to commit, or attach or whatever.

Why is this middle aged relationship thing so hard?

I have decided that 50-something year olds should NOT date! Isn't there something more refined for mature women?

I see no reason for a women over fifty to NOT date. As a man with a man's perspective I observe that too many women, even when married, do very little to take care of themselves or dress as if there was someone out there that would "take a look at me". Yes, husbands and men are often the problem but women should stand up to inconsiderate males. Take care of yourself FIRST!
My parents told me, as I grew, that the foundation for adulthood and life as a senior was the foundation I built as a child and adolescent. I am 67 and would love to meet a woman who has taken care of their bodies and knows how to dress well. I only know three at the moment, my beautiful wife who still practices medicine and two beautiful women I met while enjoying Opera in the theater that showed live HDT of the New York Met Opera this last season. All three are very "HOT"
I realize living can be tough but trying as best as you can is better than giving up!

I agree that I think women should be taking care of themselves and know how to dress well. I think it's hard for anyone to think better of us than we think of ourselves.

I have to say though that this goes both ways. A lot of men over 50 aren't very fit. I don't expect us all to be Mr./Ms. Universe here, but it's much more attractive when someone clearly gives some attention to their fitness level and weight. It improves the sex life tremendously both from a fitness perspective and keeping your partner interested in having it!

Just keeping active and young in spirit is so important as well. There is so much out there to keep you young, why not?

Totally agree and was derelict in not mentioning that my own gender, also, too often let themselves get out of shape and lazy when any relationship is happier when both have a concern for health and exercise.

It might just be me, but I have not generally been in male/female relationships that were 'perfect' or 'always fun' or even 'everything is right.' Relationships of any depth seem to come with qualifications of some sort.

Certainly the relationships I have been in had a certain 'things fell into place' component which I appreciated.

My point is that I think relationships always have something to offer us through learning about ourselves. This self reflection isn't always 'fun' and sometimes it can be downright uncomfortable.

We could realize that we were more selfish than we before thought. Or that we are more dependent than we would have bet.

Having an attractive mate is fabulous and there must be that chemistry somewhere in the relationship, no doubt. But I think I might eliminate someone who is Absolutely HOT for someone I find compatible and who has self awareness, compassion, passion for life and can hold a decent conversation.

Of course that goes without saying that I would want someone who actually takes care of themselves.