I was raised in the Baptist Church, saved myself for marriage and hoped for the best. Unfortunately, I was terribly disappointed with sex. It hurt and felt icky. After three miserable years I couldn't take it any more, and filed for divorce. Once it was over, I swore I would never make a mistake like that again. The only solution, it seemed, was to have sex before marriage in order to prevent another catastrophe. Although that decision might seem immoral to some, it made more sense to me than becoming a serial divorcee. I would love to hear how others have handled similar situations.

My present wife was all ready for sex before marriage. Even had the diaphragm in place. I wanted to wait, though we even went to sleep naked without any sex. we had all the discussions and knew what we wanted sexually but didn't have sex. Years later I "kick myself" that we didn't go ahead as we got married and have been for over 35 years. If there had been problems those would have been found out before and the way we both felt could be dealt with in a sexually healthy manner. sex for us due our knowledge was as exciting and fulfilling as possible.
This post exemplifies the dilemma too often seen in those who let religion control the very healthy and normal needs of the human. Yes, one can control themselves as far as sex is concerned but not studying and making sure one knows all if not most of the area of sexuality is just as unconscionable as not knowing about any other function of the human. When one knows most aspects they are in control. They can refuse mating behavior that is hurtful, unloving, controlling and generally harmful to either gender. For myself, nowhere in the Bible was there a formal marriage ceremony. They knew each (had sex) other and were "married". Today if not having sex before marriage at least communication with one's potential mate about sexuality and what are the expectations and desires, what feelings toward each other as to the "first time" and if problems arise can be a good start toward a healthy sexuality life. I feel that living together or having sex isn't a "sinful" ides when one considers the behavior of many men and women before any commitment toward "marriage". Better to find out before than after X number of years and possibly with children and assets divorce can be a horrible way to end a relationship. Even this is no guarantee but levels the field somewhat. As far as being immoral it would seem more immoral to unite with a spouse who was not willing to treat the other as an equal especially in sexuality.

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