Sex. . . I've been married about 18 years. . .Intimacy. . .We have a really strong relationship. . . .Lovingness. . . .But STILL. . .

I'd been waiting for a short time (okay, too long) to see when/if my husband would initiate a little, you know, lovin'. We were on a family camping trip and then took a night in a hotel, with our teen-agers in one room and my husband and I in our own. Perfect opportunity, right? Well, it didn't happen. The next morning, I went to breakfast earlier than him and when he joined me in the hotel restaurant, I finally broke my 'wait to be served' attitude and whispered a little something in his ear. He looked at me blankly, then a bit embarassedly, and said he had just, er, helped himself. I could only laugh at my own bad timing and then think about how I put myself in this situation.

Sometimes I just want to be on that female pedestal and have my husband prove that he adores me by giving me what I want--without me having to ask. But when I find that I have indeed put myself on top of the pedestal, I end up not getting what I want all too often. Ouch.

What is y'all's experience when it comes to initiating sex? One friend I've talked to about this never leaves it up to her significant other; another friend has a scheduled time when the kids are out of the house. What other ways are there of having good timing for a good time?

How amusing! You have a great attitude, no wonder y'all have a strong relationship!

I think initiating lovin’ is a two way street. Men and women want to feel their partners/spouses/SOs find them attractive and worth making a move on. My experience is it’s an ebb and flow, sometimes one is more active and then the other. No one wants to feel they are always the one begging for action though.

I’m single although I was married for many years. I don’t mind initiating at all. In the morning on the weekends is a favorite since the days are a little more relaxed.

And, I think, especially in a long time marriage, a good time for initiating is all the time. Cooking dinner in the kitchen (maybe the kids close by adds a little spice!) might mean a touch or brush of the hand in the right place (if you know what I mean!) or a loaded look. Date night out for a very nice dinner with a make-out session in the car afterwards. I recently rediscovered the joys of just long delicious making out without going any further. Wow! All that just helps keep the spark at the ready, ya know?

I prefer spontaneous to scheduled, but I don’t have kids and that may not be a good approach if you do have them or you’re crazy busy. Maybe in that case, occasional nights at a nice hotel with a teensy bit too much to drink and some new lingerie would help things along? :)

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