Do midlife women talk enough about sex? I think our sex lives, or lack thereof, are a bit of a white elephant in the room. The heart and mind may be willing, but our bodies ain't always what they used to be. And, we're a little embarrassed about it.

This article hints at some of the things midlife women experience: http://www.mlive.com/living/grand-rapids/index.ssf/2009/03/ruth_butler_turns_out_we_do_di.html

How is your sex life? Alive and well, or so high maintenance it's easier to pretend it doesn't exist? Sex life? What sex life? :)

Non-existent (as a two-person event) because I'm single. Still interested though!

It varies throughout the month and moods. Lol! I have tried varies 'potions' and 'pills' that claim to increase libido, but I find no matter what I try, my body might experience reactions to them, but my mind has to be willing and engaged as well.
In these stressful and anxiety filled times it is not that easy to just hop in bed and let it all go.
My mind is so busy with various toughts it is hard to get in the mood sometimes. After a hectic day I am just 'beat' and ready to drift off and go to sleep.
Plus being married and with the same partner, our sex life has sort of set into a routine and it needs a little spark back.
Just my 2 cents.

Sapphirelady,

Hey thanks for sharing! Yes, I recently visited with a sexologist who often works with couples to restore some spark to their sex life. According to her, focusing on touch and pleasure over the entire body, not focusing on the Big O, is one way to begin restoring a sex life that's grown a little too routine.

And, it really is in the head for us women. There was a recent article in the New York Times magazine: Discovering What Ignites Female Desire that illustrated just how complex we are when it comes to desire. Makes for an interesting read:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html

Allison

Hi Allison,
thank's for the message. I noticed that when I am mentally relaxed, so is my body, often tired, but relaxed.
I am a Massage Therapist and know all too well of the benefits of relaxation with my clients.
My gym visits help a lot too. Excellent stress buster!
Yeah, the all over body experience is so important. I agree 100%.
Saphirelady

As a single woman of 53, I still very much want to participate in sex with a partner, but I have few opportunities. I have a "friend with benefits" who I see very seldom and recently started to feel quite shy around him because of the rapid changes I sense in my body since menopause. For the first time in my life I have become shy and lack the confidence I used to have to take the lead. So much of what I enjoy about sex besides the "big O" is the expression of it. The beauty and art and creativity of expressing oneself in this way--that is ultimately so satisfying.

Because my relationship is really only about sex with no emotional connection or background, I feel awkward because I don't feel the intimacy to express some of my inhibitions and fears. Of course, my preference would be to have emotionally connected sex with someone I care about and how cares about me. But given that that scenario does not exist, I am typically grateful to have my friend, until he shows up and my anxiety sets in. It feels like a no-win situation and bothers me that something that I once looked forward to and enjoyed so much now eludes me. I am extremely independent, have a great job and am quite capable but feel sad about this part of my life. It truly represents a loss for me.