Conversations: Sexual Wisdom with Jade and Gayle

In talking to middle-aged women (and men for that matter) I find midlife is a time when we’re curious about and ready to explore our sexuality more fully. We don't have to worry about getting pregnant and for many of us a long-term commitment is no longer an absolute requirement to be sexually intimate.

Would we all agree however that it's a subject that's still a little uncomfortable for us to talk about?

Gayle Michaels and Jade Beaty have unique backgrounds with regard to sex. Out of their experiences came their firm belief that sex is a sacred human experience that all too often is treated disrespectfully and with shame. They are on a mission to help men and women embrace and explore it with the intimacy and joy it deserves.

Join us for this insightful and frank conversation about Sacred Sexuality. Feel free to chime in with your comments and questions.

Let me introduce Jade and Gayle:

With a 30 year background in spiritual studies, Jade Beaty opened her sexual healing practice in 2000. She offers workshops, private sessions, and events with the intention of bringing the precious teachings of sacred sexuality to the world. Visit http://www.sensualwisdom.com to learn more about her practice.

Gayle Michaels is an anthropologist, sexologist, writer, web mistress and Intimate Dance Teacher. Her career as a prostitute began when she was seven years old and she innocently began charging for French kisses so she could save up to buy a horse. This early childhood experience contributed to her success as a madam many years later. An abrupt ending to that career led Gayle to seek a formal education where she discovered her true calling as an erotic educator and sexual healer. For more of Gayle's frank, no-holds-barred insights into sexual healing, visit http://www.gaylemichaels.com/.

Post edited by: admin, at: 2008/07/10 15:38

Jade and Gayle,

What message would you give to midlife women about the sacredness and wisdom of sexuality?

I didn't expect to get much business when I decided to hang up a shingle and offer adult sex education services, because I thought most men were simply concerned about their own pleasure, and I expected women to be somewhat reluctant to seek help. The number of men wanting sex education services renewed my faith in men, and my hope for mankind.

As I began to welcome clients and work with them, I learned what sexual issues trouble men the most. I expected most would present problems like low libido, erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety and premature ejaculation, and that is a significant aspect of the work.

I didn't realize how many men feel that sex is burdensome. They are troubled because they must work to get aroused, and they feel obligated to have sex whether they are in the mood or not.

I was also surprised at how many of them said they need variety in order to be able to perform sexually for the person they love. This is because there is a lack of creativity in lovemaking.

People do it with the lights out, in one or two positions only, they get into a routine and never deviate from that routine. It gets boring. They rely on fantasy to remain engaged instead of making a genuine heart connection based on true intimacy.

The most important thing for mature women to remember about their sexuality is that it's Men? O! Pause…not Men? O! Stop.

I found sacred sexuality at the age of 48 and learned that there were unexplored depths I had only briefly touched, in a few outstanding encounters. Now I had tools and techniques to cultivate awareness of the presence of the Divine, instead of just having the innate knowing that She was somehow in the room, watching from a corner.

My fascination with sex has always had a spiritual component. As a teenager, I was wildly curious about sex and got zero information from the supposedly caring adults around me. I figured I was just going to have to learn by doing. I found a willing participant and suddenly I shifted my obsessions from horses to boys. Exploring in the back seat of a car is better than nothing...no, better than lots of things. I knew in my bones that there must be something mystical/ magical about sexual encounter. I just couldn't find anyone that understood my quest until I found tantric teachings.

As I approached menopause, the emotional content of unresolved identity issues arose. It seems I reviewed my late teens and twenties, which were filled with turmoil and confusion. My emotional states became imbalanced and my body seemed to jump at the opportunity to fall apart, piece by piece. It was grim. I was saved by bio-identical hormones and a hot, young man who became my lover after a long dry spell. Saved! And now that things have settled down I find myself with a different sexuality. One based in respect, exquisite attention to detail, and thankfully, a slower pace. Not a hot, cute chick anymore, but still a hot momma...make that hot grandmamma.

Wow, Gayle...that is some surprising information, at least it was to me. Especially the bit about sex being somewhat burdensome, etc. But it makes sense when I think about it.

A friend who writes a sex and relationship column has told me that men tell her that they are really looking for that 'heart connection' as they get to their 40s and 50s. That they are somewhat dismayed at what seems like the development of midlife women wanting the sex without developing a relationship. Kind of validates what you're saying here.

Jade, was it you who said something about women developing more of assertive 'masculine' energy as they hit midlife and men developing more 'feminine' energy?

So, how can women help make lovemaking more creative? There's the actual intimate act I suppose but there is also what you do outside the act of sex that feeds that as well?

Jade, can you tell us more about the spirituality you see in sexual intimacy?

I remember reading somewhere that the French call orgasm le petit mort because it's the closest thing we humans have to sort of melting into the Oneness. But it's a little fuzzy to me.