What Season Is My Soul In?
Well, the holidays are upon us. People have traveled hither and yon to be with family for Thanksgiving. It’s the time of year we begin to think with gratitude upon our blessings.
Our Spirit and Self Editor, Jan Lundy, just published a piece on WomenBloom that spoke to the seasons of the soul. She pointed out that our spiritual lives bear a resemblance to the passing of the seasons. It makes a lot of sense to me.
I am grateful for many things: that my housemate lets me share her beautiful house so that I have a lovely space to live in, my dog Cooper is never anything but a pleasure to have around, I have embarked on a real estate career that promises to be a very good fit for me, I have so many supportive and caring friends, my health is pretty good….yes, I have many blessings.
And, I will be durn happy to see 2009 go.
This has been a heavy year, probably the second most heavy year of my life. Plummeting stock markets (and bank accounts), menopause and some other health issues, major career reinvention, a father who has been and continues to be a major financial and emotional strain on the family, a lot of job and family upheaval with Tall Slow Talkin’ Texas, major, unexpected expenditures on my house, uncharacteristic tensions with friends…I definitely feel that my spiritual life has been somewhere between what Jan describes as fall and winter.
Jan posits that the fall of the soul is a time of dying back, surrender, and transition. The soul’s winter is a time of darkness, inward focus, introspection. Yep, I’m somewhere in the middle of all that.
Maybe it just seems that way because my life has been a sunny, happy one for the most part. The contrast this year is striking. I’m not sure why suddenly so many significant things have been unsettled and challenging. And every time one thing seems to settle back a little, I think oh, that’s probably it, things will even out now. But, no. One thing upon another seems to follow.
I can only hope that all this signals that some major growth is happening under the surface, the fruits of which aren’t yet obvious. So much transition, so much change, so much upheaval…there is a definite feeling of surrender and letting go of certainty. I shouldn’t say I hope for growth, these times always lead to growth if I’m intent on letting my experiences work on me. But why does the most growth happen through painful times? Anyone have the answer to that?
I suppose it’s because until something is painful, presumably it’s working for you. If it’s good, no reason to change. If it’s bad, well, time for a change.
All of the challenges are long term, there is no easy or quick solution. Family, job, finances, and significant other will all take time to shake out. And, in the meantime, they can’t be ignored, decisions have to be made in the midst of circumstances that are ambiguous and tangly. There is no clear path but action is required nonetheless. They are a constant weight.
Part of the growth is learning to tolerate all the uncertainty, and the acting in spite of not knowing if it’s the right thing or not. Some things are just muddly and you have to act knowing that there is no silver bullet. You take this action, and yet the problem doesn’t go away, it’s ongoing.
Maybe it’s just my lens at the moment, but it seems to me that many people around me are experiencing this sort of thing. Is it just the general energy in the country right now? We’re just swimming around in a lot of tension and stress generally and it’s rubbing off?
At least the good news is that middle age does bring a certain sense of proportion to things. It may be tough at the moment, but things always cycle. We don’t know where things will go, but we know that they will ultimately resolve in some way.
How has this year been for you? In which season is your soul?
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Posted on November 27th, 2009 by admin
Filed under: General Observations, Holidays, Older and Wiser, Personal Growth, Relationships, Spirituality
I think I have weathered winter and am now deep into fall. I’d rather be enjoying springtime but if I’m honest that isn’t the case right now. I feel like I’m still hunkering down for something but I’m not sure what or exactly how to prepare for it. I don’t feel like I’m in hibernation any more, which is a good thing. I am ready for things to change and have given things until the first of the year to settle out. Then I may have to take some bold action because this whole transition is taking too long.
Such a lovely, thoughtful post, Allison! Lately I’ve gone back and forth between summer and fall and winter … sort of like the Midwest weather pattern here! After beginning to adjust to my new empty nest — and feeling small bursts of “summer-like freedom” — my mother was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer’s, which throws me back into a gloomy midwinter mode. I’m now feeling more responsible for my mother, as if I had another child to care for and worry about.
It’s hard to find spiritual balance, or solace, when you feel torn between these seasons. But when I need spiritual solace, I try to take time to seek it out through reading, thinking, and being still when I can. Being busy works as a diversion sometimes, but as any spiritual teacher would tell me, the only way to get through it is to go through it — not avoid it.
Hi Sharon,
I appreciate the way you have verbalized and made meaning of the season you are in. Being in transition (definitely represented by the season of fall) is not the easiest place to be in. I also appreciate how you notice you might have to push yourself onward. Time will tell….The duration transition times I surmise may not be totally within our control.
Since I submitted this post, I feel as if I have settled into a winter. Feeling like hibernation time is here. Not as much creative energy. Feeling more quiet and still inside. Waiting…waiting for what is to come next.
Allison,
It’s so nice to read how you took this post inside yourself to name what was happening in you. I think this is one of the “tricks” of navigating the seasons of our soul. To name and affirm what is arising, instead of denying it or running away from it. I am sure much is growing beneath the surface. It is challenging to wait it out…
I think you are right on target when you speak of others feeling like they might be in a holding pattern. It seems millions of people may be feeling that way–hoping that things will change, get better, that the economy will pick up and flow again. This can create a collective unconsciousness of”waiting.” A long fall soul season.
As I said above, I’m feeling a movement toward an inner winter, which can also be a very creative time but it can feel rather dark and silent. But then, perhaps it is just that I am settling into winter here in MI. Longer, darker days, cold temps does make one want to stay indoors, unless you are a snow bunny, which I am definitely not!
What a beautiful, thoughtful post Allison. As you know, I’m floating. I don’t know what season that is! 2009 was a year of enormous change for me with no real end in sight. Whether good or bad, change is stressful. You are such a forward moving person, I know you’ll plow through all this change in your life and be ready for more.
Here’s to a fulfilling, life-changing, rewarding 2010!