51 Years Old, Going On 14
I know that whenever I go home to visit Mom and Dad, I feel as though I’m about 14 again. Mom gets all excited and asks me what I want to eat, and then cooks all my favorites. She has nice new sheets on the beds, and lets me sleep in (as well as I can since I can’t really sleep anymore past about 7 anymore but it’s the thought that counts). I admit that in this situation I let her have her way with me. I like it. I’m not stupid.
But, one would think that once you hit at least your 40s for sure, your parents would finally have learned to see you as the adult you are. You know, be OK with you making your life choices and decisions without panicking. I’m not a felon, or homeless, and pretty much a contributing member of society, seems like that would give them some basic level of confidence in my ability to sail my own ship. Wouldn’t one think that? Wouldn’t ONE??
Nonh. At least not for me and at least one other friend of mine.
Mom can’t seem to help expressing her worry about my move to real estate. And now I hear through the sibling grapevine that my Dad is worried too. Sigh. You know when you’re facing something new, and you’re nervous even though you’ve done your homework? The last thing you really want to hear is the doubts of your PARENTS, or anyone else really, putting in to words the anxieties you’re trying to shush. You get them more or less under control and then your Mom, bless her heart, can’t help worrying out loud for you.
Once a child, always a child in some ways I guess. I know they mean well, and it’s out of love that they worry, but it’s just weird to think of being 50 plus years old and still having your parents agonize over you. A double standard I know, somehow I don’t mind being 14 again when it suits me. But what I’d like is some support when it comes to this kind of life move.
At least I’m not alone in this. My friend Mary, over at Simply Forties, recently made a really BIG change. She’d lived in West Texas for many years, but was ready for something different and when her contracting job went away, she was offered the opportunity to move to Virginia and turn her interest in sustainable living into reality by turning an absentee owner’s ‘hobby farm’ into a role model of sustainability. It was almost miraculous the way it came about and she was very excited about it. Apparently though, her parents were sufficiently alarmed to make a detour on their way from Alabama to Florida, to Virginia! Hunh!?! Last time I checked my atlas, that would have been quite a detour.
They just had to check on their baby girl to make sure she hadn’t lost her mind.
I guess if you think about it, many of us are doing things our moms would never have dreamed of. But believe me, if it seems a little out there to them, it isn’t like we aren’t a little concerned too. We make the best decisions we can, but of course we have no way of knowing for sure how they will shake out.
So chill out Moms and Dads, you gotta let your babies make their own way. Of course they are likely to make some bad choices along the way, don’t we all? But that’s what life is about and it’s better to have tried than to have played it safe.
Rereading this, I sound kind of down. I’m really not, actually I’m pretty excited about my move. Mary and I will be OK, Mom and Dad. Really, we will.
Posted on October 22nd, 2009 by admin
Filed under: Empty Nest, Midlife Reinvention, Older and Wiser, Relationships, Uncategorized
Nooooo… It didn’t sound down at all, to me. I snorted & gut laughed my azz off. And, that picture cracked me up!
Our parents were surely a different generation, weren’t they? I never make anything the kids like because they always want to eat out when they come home. Works for me. I honestly don’t think there is anything I ever made that they would request. Weird, because I’m a good cook.
I’ve always been a pretty laid back mom and yes, I always let them exercise their freedoms. Eventually, they both turned out fine, LOL! I grew up under heavy restraints and vowed that my children never would and they are both the coolest people I know. I would definitely want to know them even if they weren’t my children.
But what is it about being around OUR parents that makes us feel 13 again? I don’t do that to my kids. I still treat them like adults. Once again, different generations….
And Good Luck with the real estate move! I’ll bet you can talk anyone into buying a house… or even a nice section of land!
I will admit that the pampering sounded pretty good to me. That’s not anything I ever got from my parents. When my grown youngun’s come home there are snacks I like to have on hand and meals I know they will like. The mothering stops there - the best thing a parent of grown children can learn is when to be quiet. With my children, that means offer no advice unless asked.
Allison, you’ve covered your bases with this exciting career move. I bet your parents will on board once you start working. Every comment I’ve read here has been supportive. We know you will be successful.
Liz,
Hmm, hadn’t really thought of it that way. Maybe it is a generational thing. And I’ll bet your kids are the coolest around too, but I think it’s probably because their mom and dad are pretty cool
If you know anyone wanting to buy a section of land, PLEASE send them my way
Sharon,
Thanks for hte encouraging words, I think I’m going to be good too but I guess mom just can’t NOT worry. I think you are a wise mom, can’t be easy to keep your mouth shut, but I honestly think that’s how kids learn to make their way…by making their own decisions.
I appreciate it!
Allison
What an eye opener…. My parents died many yrs ago but my wonderful Aunt Mary has taken up the banner of pseudo mom and dotes on me whenever I go “home”. She cooks my favorite meals, makes a special trip to the butcher selling my most favorite sausage, spruces up the guest room and forces all of my cousins to make a pilgrimage to visit…. YES I love it. But I’m lucky in some aspects… she doesn’t hover, stays in touch appropriately and yet I get to reap the benefits of pampering.
Soon, it will be her turn to be pampered by me, as she ages and becomes less active and needs that TLC she so willingly rains on me.
We’re always our parents babies regardless of age, maturity and proven ability to care for ourselves.
Some of the pampering could be generational. Our parents lived during WW2 and their parents during the Depression,so they know what it’s like to not have enough to eat,and to rarely ever have the chance to eat a favorite food.
Most of them worked from 12 years up and no one pampered them,nor would they have felt entitled to rest unless they were very,very sick, back from war,or just gave birth. This is that generation’s way of showing love the very best way they know how. What an honor.