We hear a lot these days about ‘authenticity’ as a way to live a fulfilling and happy life.  But what does that concept really mean?  And, then, how do we live it?  Women at their midpoint in life seem to have an especially strong interest in the concept as they re-assess who they are and who they want to become to make the next part of their life the best part.

Nancy Oelklaus, Ed. D., offers one of the best descriptions of authenticity we’ve heard.  And, she provides an excellent example of what it means to actually live such a life.
 

A fitting metaphor for the pathway to authenticity is a highway. We have two lanes we can drive in. One lane is acknowledging and purging our own shortcomings, acknowledging our mistakes and acquired patterns that are not serving us well, engaging in transformational processes that lead us to forgive ourselves and others who might have harmed us.
 
The other lane is clearly knowing the best and highest within us and reveling in it. Having joy from knowing that all is well. Last month I wrote about an experience in Sedona when I was aligned with the highest and best within me. This month is a different story.
 
Just like a real highway, when we get out of the lane and start heading for the shoulder, we hit the corrugated pavement that says, "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and we make a course correction. Maybe we were distracted by a billboard (visual distraction) or maybe we reached down to make another CD or radio selection (auditory and tactile distraction). As human beings, we are susceptible to distractions. All of us.
 
Yesterday I was distracted, hit the corrugation and heard the roar. The argument that erupted looked like it was about money, but what it was really about was my unwillingness to take responsibility. So, through my default, I manipulated another person into being the responsible one and then put on the robe of righteous indignation when he didn't do what I wanted him to do. I wanted, as my mother used to say, "to have my cake and eat it, too." Another term for this is greed, which we've been hearing a lot about in the news lately.
 
Today I've processed through to the truth, and here's the email I just wrote my cousins, in response to their invitation to take a 7-day cruise with them:
 
The whole story is that I wasn't willing to spend my personal money on this trip because I've made some commitments to myself about saving it for a major art purchase. Also, we have tentative plans for a major trip late next spring or summer, so there are some unknowns floating around. My husband and I have an agreement that in spending joint funds, we both have to agree if the expenditure is over a certain amount, as this one was, and he didn't agree.

I'm making this explanation because I didn't take enough responsibility in my first response. The truth is I'm not crazy about cruises. This one is too long, and I can take or leave bridge. It would be nice for the four of us to spend some time together [and this was my distraction], but maybe we can work that out for a shorter excursion of some sort.

What distinguishes the authentic life from the ego-driven life is the discipline of truthfulness. The ego-driven life lacks discipline. Its aim is to satisfy the ego (get my way, have my cake and eat it, too). The authentic life, on the other hand, is aligned with Truth and follows a four-phase process:

1.    Awareness of what you're thinking, feeling, and doing--good and bad. Awareness of your own level of comfort/discomfort and its source.
2.    Willingness to let go of self-defeating thoughts, feelings, actions, and behaviors.
3.    Commitment to live from the highest and best within you--the part that has never been hurt.
4.    Discipline to reprogram, continuously and incrementally improving your happiness. This is why I wrote JOURNEY FROM HEAD TO HEART--to provide tools and processes that assist this discipline.

Authenticity is living and working without ego. It's being neither more than nor less than you truly are. Ego is forceful; authenticity is powerful. Ego requires great effort. Authenticity is effortless. When you feel yourself pushing, you're probably exercising ego. When you feel yourself opening, you're probably being authentic.
 
There are many pathways to authenticity, just as there are many highways that take us to the same city. There is no one right way to become authentic. A good starting point, however, is commitment. In the words of W. H. Murray, who led the Scottish Himalayan Expedition in 1951,

"The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves, too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way."

We appreciate Dr. Nancy Oelklaus's kind permission to reprint this from her newsletter.  Since 2000, she has coached leaders in education, social services, financial services, medicine, religion, philanthropy, high tech, real estate, networking, communications, public relations, and city/state government. Her articles have appeared in The American School Board Journal, The Austin Business Journal, The Systems Thinker, and Austin Woman Magazine. This is an excerpt from Nancy's book Journey from Head to Heart:  Living and Working Authentically (www.HeadtoHeart.com). Three coaching CD’s by Nancy are available through Amazon.