Is there a woman among us who hasn’t pushed herself too far at one time or another to be a perfect mother, employee, spouse, volunteer, and a million other roles?  All at the same time?  Somehow we women think we have to be all things to all people, all the time.  

Our member, Jan Lundy, suggests that maybe 2009 is the year we start being more kind to ourselves.  That we 'befriend' and treat ourselves as we would a good friend.  Radical, concept don't you think?  Even if you only adopt two or three of her suggestions, you're bound to feel better and be better to those around you.

It never fails.

As a new year rolls around, my thoughts naturally turn toward resolutions—goals to set, bold changes to make. In fact, for eleven years, I’ve penned a column on exactly that. This year I’m doing something different; I’m not going to set a lofty, new goal for myself. Instead, I’m going to recommit to a vow I took many years ago. It’s a self-made promise to live more gently with myself; to be as kind to myself as I try to be to others; to befriend myself, once and for all.
 
In her wonderfully supportive book, The Courage to Be Yourself, my dear friend and mentor, Sue Patton Thoele, writes of “befriending” in this way. “I believe it is essential,” she says, “that you become a loving and tolerant friend to yourself. Do you act as a sheltering tree in your own life? Take a moment to think about how you treat your friends. Do you express the same kindness and consideration toward yourself? Many of us hold a deep-rooted belief that we don’t deserve to be loved. “They” deserve friendship, but for some unfathomable reason, we don’t. This is a false belief. We are worthy of love. We do deserve our own support and friendship.”
 
I admit, for most of my adult life, I have been generally unkind to myself. I’ve pushed myself beyond healthful limits to be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, employee, volunteer, community leader, and more. All roles I thought I should play in life to be a “good person”, to be liked, to be accepted by others, especially by my family, peers, and coworkers, to be perceived as successful, of service to others, and a contributor to the greater good of humanity. It appears that the majority of women get trapped in this pattern of behavior, too.
 
When I think about befriending myself more and pushing myself less, it brings peace to my heart. Just the word itself—befriend—calms and soothes! What would it be like to befriend ourselves? It could mean that we get to experience life as we did when we were young girls, before the responsibilities of life swooped in; before there were so many choices to make, things to be done, and needs to be met. We wouldn’t work quite so hard, we’d play and laugh more, even take naps when we felt like it. Life lived in this way would certainly feel different than it does now.

We can begin to be more kind to ourselves by making a decision to start befriending ourselves. Let’s make a vow— together—to be more gentle with ourselves. Let’s commit to treat ourselves as lovingly as we would our own best friend.
    
I’ve created a “Be Kind to Yourself” list of practices that can be hung on your refrigerator, the bathroom mirror, or your computer screen to remind you to treat yourself more lovingly, more gently, every single day. They’re practices that can nurture and balance you—body, mind, and spirit.

Honor your inner rhythm: Work when you feel like it, play or rest when you don’t.

Get out in nature: Allow its beauty and naturally calming effect to soothe you.

Nurture your body: Pamper it with massage, leisurely baths, aromatherapy, loving touch.

Eat healthfully: Consume food as low on the food chain as you possibly can, especially fresh fruits and vegetables.

Move: Stretch, walk, exercise, dance, hike, do anything that rids your body of stress and tension.

Soothe your mind: Turn off the TV, meditate, read inspirational literature, listen to music, engage in a hobby.

Laugh: Mingle with friends who inspire, relax, or rejuvenate you.

Breathe: Take time alone spent in quiet, breathe deeply,allowing your body’s inner reservoirs to be filled with calm.

Rest: A nap can be a sacred time, nourishing body, mind, and spirit simultaneously.

Connect: Plug in to the Divine as you understand it through meaningful spiritual practices of your own creation.

In 2009, I don’t want to be perfect; I just want to be kinder to myself. I hope you do, too, and that you’ll join me in a renewed commitment to acts of personal loving-kindness. When we do, we’ll undoubtedly find ourselves being kinder to others, for self-compassion naturally breeds compassion for others. Self-love spawns love for our fellow human beings. Being kind to ourselves may just be the most loving thing we can do for everyone...

Janice Lynne Lundy is an inspirational speaker, interfaith spiritual director, syndicated magazine columnist, and the author of four self-help/spiritual growth books for women. Her newest book is Your Truest Self: Embracing the Woman You Are Meant to Be (Sorin Books). She resides in northern Michigan.  Learn more about Jan at her website:  www.awakenedliving.com  and at her blog:  www.awakeisgood.blogspot.com.  Sign-up for her newsletter and receive her new, inspirational 90-page e-book, The Awakened Woman's Guide to Life. She enjoys hearing from her readers and responds personally. Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
 

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