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Learning To Be Successfully Single in MIddle-Age!
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Written by Allison Allen
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Wednesday, 07 May 2008
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Page 2 of 2
To help answer that question, there are several pieces of advice she offers for being successfully single:
Periods of singleness are an investment in yourself, much like a monetary investment. It’s a time to work intently on some aspect of your growth that makes your life richer.
Don’t go it alone. It’s much easier doing it with other people who are working toward the goal of being successfully single themselves.
Information, exploration and knowledge are an important piece of self-development. There are so many books and tools available and so many points of view to explore.
All personal growth requires pushing beyond your comfort zone. Don’t be discouraged if some negative emotions surface. The most helpful view is that all past relationships were learning grounds and a prelude to something new. Bad feelings are an opportunity to push the boundaries of your comfort zone.
Thinking of life domains can be helpful for seeking answers to the ‘what’s next?’. Some of those might be the spiritual, the intellectual, the emotional, the physical, or the social. Identifying one where things aren’t as satisfying as they could be could signal a growth opportunity.
Resist the negative messages. Don’t pay any attention to the sympathy around you for being single. The race isn’t over yet. Walk your path and see where you are 5 years or 10 years from now.
Mary Lou also has some interesting thoughts about how our expectations of relationships are changing. She points out that “societal and technologic advances mean we have become enormously successful at providing for our basic needs. That has led to the demise of the economic marriage. Our expectations for a marriage are completely changing from what they were just in the previous generation.”
“Our needs are now centered on the emotional rather than the economic, and we’re living longer. It could take a long time to find someone who meets those needs for the rest of our life. It’s not appropriate to feel bad about the periods of singleness since the cues from the earlier generation aren’t really valid for the circumstances we face.”
That means that if you have those high standards for a relationship, it may be necessary to undergo long periods of singleness before you find the right person.
Mary Lou also makes the point that we sometimes worry that we will never find someone and that we'll always be alone. Better, though, to worry about the opposite: what if now is our last time to ever be single? What if the next few months or years are our last chance to be un-attached and do what we need to do? That seems to her to be the greater risk to future happiness.
The good news too is that women are experts at socializing. Being successfully single includes playing that natural tendency for all its worth. Creating a rich and fulfilling social life is one important sign of a woman who is making the most of her single state.
Having a lively circle of good friends and the ability to achieve what’s important to you sounds like a pretty good definition of success, wouldn’t you say? The seminar Successfully Single that Dr. Serafine teaches is offered in Austin, Texas by the Divorce Recovery and Family Resources Center, P.C., Dr. Larry J. Miller, Director. The Center also offers two additional seminars, When Your Relationship Ends, as well as Building a Healthy Relationship. For further information or to register, go to www.DivorceRecoveryAustin.com.
In addition, independently of the Center, Dr. Serafine offers Executive and Life Coaching to individuals. For further information, contact her at
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Last Updated ( Friday, 30 May 2008 )
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