How do I help control those moments when I am driving down the road, hear a song on the radio that reminds of my relationship with my son, and then burst into tears?  Is this normal?  What do I do now? How will I cope with this?  These, I found out, are questions empty-nesters commonly ask before, during or after learning their children are leaving home.  Since parents have spent most of their lives focused on raising children and caring for the home and family it is difficult when suddenly more than half of what they do on a daily basis doesn’t need to be done anymore.

At a time when we should be congratulating ourselves and patting ourselves on the back for having raised our children in such a way that we’re not dealing with adult children living at home years after kids should have left home and begun living their lives as full grown, successful, independent adults we are sulking, wondering what to do with ourselves now.  We have taught our children how to be adults, and we should be congratulated! We have or are learning to cut the apron strings by letting go, and the “tied to his/her mother’s apron strings” quote surely won’t apply to us in regards to our son or daughter leaving home. And hopefully we won’t have to deal with the “revolving door syndrome” so common in today’s society but will be ready for it if we need to be.

If you are trying to deal with an empty nest now, or will be an empty-nester sometime soon, please understand you’re not alone. Many moms and dads are trying to cope with empty nest feelings and emotions just like you are, and no two people deal with stressful situations like this the same way, so patience, understanding and empathy are important.  When faced with the question, “What do I do after my children leave home?” there are many things you can do, should do or need to do now that your children have left home and you are alone at last.  It’s time to change your focus on being a parent and the responsibilities of parenting children still living at home (unless of course they are young), and direct your time and energies towards other things you can do that bring you enjoyment, pleasure and a sense of fulfillment.

Ask yourself, if you could do it all over again, what are some of the things you wish you had done before getting married or before having children? The answer to “What do I do now?” is that you now have time to take a life inventory on yourself and start doing the things you have always wanted to do but never could before.  It’s time to get busy! Put your thinking cap on and get those creative juices flowing, and come up with a “What I Can Do Now?” list now that the kids are grown and gone. Go back to school to get your high school diploma, or get the college degree you always wanted. Rekindle the romance with your spouse and fire up your marriage by spending time together and bringing back the fun and excitement experienced when you were dating or before the kids came along.  Do some volunteer work; find a new hobby; join an active online support group for encouragement. Travel! Take a cruise, rent an RV and stay at RV parks while traveling, or check out the cost of Flights and buy a plane ticket to visit places you’ve always wanted to see but couldn’t. Learn a new language or any other craft you have wanted to learn but never had the time.

What you do now is up to you… get creative!

Leslie Escalante is a board certified Physician Assistant and owner of Balanced Health & Beauty

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