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After 20 Years of Marriage: New Life and New Loves
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Written by Karen Kreps
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Thursday, 07 February 2008
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Page 2 of 2
“We met on a Sunday morning at Body Choir, where I love to dance barefoot, wordless but communicating. After the dance, a group of us went out to the lake to canoe. A sudden storm came up and Eugene and I sought shelter on the shore, huddling together under the canoe. Then we went to my place to dry off and warm up. Eugene was sixty, much older than I am—but he had a gorgeous body. I loved his touch, his deep woody smell. I have never had such great sex with anyone before or after. He was very spiritual in an unconventional way. He touched my soul deeply. I felt him stirring things inside me. He got into my pores.”
After six months, the intensity was too much for Patti. She tries to be open, but admits she is cautious.
“I couldn’t be so cemented down with someone who needed a deep connection on a daily basis. He got too close. He wanted to know things I felt weren’t his business. It was all very new, and I needed to leave him to remain independent and have my alone time. We are still friends, but now he’s living with another lady and I’m happy for him.”
The sexual intensity she experienced with Eugene was not repeated with either of the men with whom she’s been intimate recently. “I could relax with them, being with them was and is comforting.” she says. “How lovely just to cuddle—and how disappointing.”
I told Patti I was relieved to have married soon after AIDS became a known threat and changed my casual behavior. Was she worried, I asked, about the risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease?
“It scares me to death!” she says. “I’m as frightened of getting herpes as I am of getting AIDS, even though I know they are not equally life threatening.”
After marrying young, she knew she had no communicable diseases. Still, after the first time she slept with her current lover, he phoned to tell her he had developed a painful sore on his bottom.
“Hearing that really flipped me out,” she says. “I was so angry with myself for having gotten involved and with him for putting me in jeopardy.”
The threat proved to be a false alarm. They both had blood tests taken and results came back negative for herpes.
“It caused me to do a lot of soul searching. I don’t want to be diseased or to find out too late about having been exposed. Since I’m not going to live like a hermit, there’s so much to educate myself about.
“You meet someone and feel strong emotions about him. You feel lust and want to share your body. When you do there is a risk, but life is full of risks.”
Patti told me she has learned much about herself and feels there is much still to learn. She is currently arranging to rent out her house next year in order to travel indefinitely.
“I’m done with nesting,” she says and stretches out her arms like the wings of a great bird. “I’m ready to take flight.” Excerpted from the book, Intimacies: Secrets of Love, Sex & Romance, by Karen Kreps (www.TrueIntimacies.com ). Since 2002, Karen's insights about love and lovers have opened minds. She shares these insights in her monthly column for The Good Life magazine and in public discussion groups. The magazine sponsors these meetings at BookPeople, Texas’s leading independent bookstore (named by Publisher’s Weekly as Bookstore of the Year in 2005). Recently, Karen has started an online discussion forum on relationships on her blog at www.TrueIntimacies.com .
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