Parenting your parent(s) can be one of the hardest things to do. And, it is an all too common scenario for those of us in midlife.  Planning ahead is very important and necessary as a proactive approach to caring for aging parents.  Answer these helpful questions to see how prepared you are....

Samantha Young, Administrator for Practical Care Continuum, a non-medical home care agency, shares the basics of what you need to know about caring for  increasingly dependent parents. 

Most children do not want to think about what happens when your parents age but when you look at the fact that 80 to 90% of all chronically ill older adults will need care at one time or another, you can't ignore the statistics. To make your job, or as we call it, labor of love, easier you should ask your parents questions about their financial and medical status before a crisis occurs.

You never know when they may suddenly become ill and you are the one that has to provide information to a doctor or other health care professional. While these questions are not easy to ask now, it won't be any easier months or years from now. I had to learn this piece of advice the hard way when I had to suddenly care for my ailing father. It is far easier to talk to parents when they are healthy than when they're incapacitated or hospitalized. The object of these conversations is to get the information you need so that you can determine what kind of help your parents may need or wish. Since their needs will change, you may have to have this conversation more than once or twice.

In addition to finding out about what they can do and what they need help with, you'll want to understand what they want out of life, what their biggest concerns are, and what they cherish most.

General tips for talking with a parent:

    * Talk when you won't be interrupted and when you are both relaxed.

    * Don't tackle everything in one conversation.

    * Ask open ended questions such as "When you think about your future, what are you most concerned about" instead of "What about going to a nursing home", something nobody wants to do.

    * Do not be judgmental. Your parents are competent adults.

    * Don't pepper them with questions. Finding ways to have a conversation about the future rather than answering a quiz will cause less anger and stress.

    * Involve others if it will help. There are people out there who help manage later life decisions and issues for families. In some cases, it's easier to talk about these matters with an outsider than with a family member. Call your local Area Agency on Aging, attorney, or doctor for assistance.
 
    * Be open and clear about the facts. Don't whitewash problems. Be straightforward about factual medical prognoses, for example.

    * Actively listen to their concerns, don't just convey your own.